Thursday, April 25, 2013

Headlines...."Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Hired For Root Cause Battery Fix"

Its been awhile since all the Kings horses and all the Kings men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty's battery back together again, so Boeing called in Sir Arthur Conan Doyle to solve the root cause of Boeing's battery failure, fire and function. This was a mock press conference held today in London England shortly before BA will receive its first 787 in the next few months. Here are some quotes from his press conference regarding the Case of the Failing Flaming Battery. First off I have noted that if another battery fails or flames, its a no worry case, since the appropriate Battery Case has been installed during this case. Venting is now open to the environment outside the airplane, and plan B is fully functional. Plan C will function in case of Plan B failure.

The press conference notes of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and his actual statements found in literature:

LnD Blogger: "Sir, why hasn't a Root Cause been found?"

Doyle: "Of all ghosts the ghosts of our old loves are the worst."

LnD Blogger: "How do you propose to solve the case?"

Doyle: "Our ideas must be as broad as Nature if they are to interpret Nature."

LnD Blogger: "The battery works in some cases and then it had an epic fail in a couple of cases, Why?"

Doyle: "It is an old maxim of mine that when you have excluded the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."

LnD Blogger: "How can you solve this case using FAA Data?"

Doyle: "It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data."

LnD Blogger: "Sir Doyle, what do you bring to the table to solve this case?"

Doyle: "My mind rebels at stagnation. Give me problems, give me work, give me the most abstruse cryptogram, or the most intricate analysis, and I am in my own proper atmosphere. But I abhor the dull routine of existence. I crave for mental exaltation."

LnD Blogger: "Will you be talking to the FAA?"

Doyle: "Nothing clears up a case so much as stating it to another person."

LnD Blogger: "You have a warehouse full of records, how will you get through it before the end of the decade?"

Doyle: "You will, I am sure, agree with me that... if page 534 only finds us in the second chapter, the length of the first one must have been really intolerable."

LnD Blogger: How will you approach finding the problem with the battery"

Doyle: As Cuvier could correctly describe a whole animal by the contemplation of a single bone, so the observer who has thoroughly understood one link in a series of incidents should be able to accurately state all the other ones, both before and after.

LnD Blogger: "Can you tell me what Boeing engineers have revealed to you about the Battery?"

Doyle: "Some facts should be suppressed, or, at least, a just sense of proportion should be observed in treating them."

LnD Blogger: "Sir Doyle can you take one more question before you start your investigation?"

Doyle: I am remiss not answer your question at this time, but a higher calling for tea and things beckons me to begin my investigation. Thank you for affording this opportunity of laying out my investigative resources with you. Good day!"

Okay, I believe Boeing should've hired this guy last February, not that they would have had a root cause in hand, but the FAA would have to up its game when dealing with this problem. The fantasy world of fiction is so much easier to deal with than reality.